Chapter Forty Seven - Confide

Sean wasn't picking my calls and with each failed call attempt, I felt even more guilty. There was also this lingering fear in the back of my head that he'd found out what had happened last night.

But then, how would he? Matt could have told him but he wasn't the kind of person who snitched like that. Even if he was going to tell Sean, I was hoping he'd at least give me a heads up first.

I mindlessly stirred the spoon in my cereal, too busy wondering what it was going to be like with Matt after last night, if he was still going to give me rides to school. If he was even going to talk to me anymore.

One way to find out. After eating my breakfast and placing my dishes in the sink, I said goodbye to Mrs. Brooke and left my house.

Five seconds later, Matt stepped out through his front door. He was wearing a hoodie but it was unzipped so I could see his jersey underneath. His eyes immediately landed on me and he stopped in his tracks.

I nervously stayed rooted in my spot, waiting for his move but when he did nothing, I swallowed my anxiety and marched up to him with a bright smile. "Good morning."

Only one word could describe the look on his face: disbelief.

Was he expecting me to cry over him rejecting me? I was mature enough to let that go and was hoping we could at least continue being friends like before.

"Morning," he replied unsurely.

"Aren't you late for practice?"

"A little." He nodded, looking down at his watch with a frown, then cutting me a subtle glance before averting his eyes back to his wrist.

"Are you giving me a ride?"

"Sure." He looked a bit disoriented before he gave an affirmative nod. "I mean of course."

"Great! Let's go–oh by the way, I transferred you the money. Did you check?"

"No... I haven't had the chance yet but you didn't have to."

"I owed you." I shrugged, turning to his driveway. "So how are we going to school?"

"Follow me." He made his way towards the garage. Aiden's car was parked in there and I wondered if Matt had snatched his keys because there was no way Aiden would've given them to him willingly.

"Oh..." My mouth formed an o in realization when he walked past the car and neared his motorcycle parked in the back.

"Problem?" he asked over his shoulder.

"Of course not." I scoffed. "I love motorcycle rides. All the wind...it's refreshing."

Once again, he stopped and eyed me like he was trying to figure out what was going on inside my head but thankfully, the moment passed quickly as he climbed on the motorcycle and passed me my helmet.

I put it on and settled behind him. My hands found their way to his shoulders but I felt him tense up, so I brought them down to my lap, then fidgeted my fingers and finally grabbed his hoodie's hood.

"Shoulders," he said.

I complied and brought my hands up again.

He pulled the motorcycle out of his garage and for the first five minutes, I kept thinking of something to start a conversation with until I realized he didn't really want me to.

The silence was awkward for me but as I cut glances at him in the mirror, I realized he was doing just fine as his eyes remained fixed on the road ahead. Maybe he didn't wanna talk to me. So, I didn't try.

Once we reached school, I thanked him while handing him my helmet. I waited for him to say something but he did not, so I walked away awkwardly.

It wasn't that bad, I told myself. It was gonna take some time but maybe we could go back to normal without ever discussing last night.

*****

"There's something you're not telling us." Meera shot me a skeptical glance through the mirror as I washed my hands.

"I-I what?" I avoided her eyes and turned to Cheryl. "We should get to class."

"Class doesn't start in another ten minutes. Now spill." Cheryl crossed her arms over her chest.

Come on! I cursed under my breath. "I've just...been worried about Sean. He's not talking to me."

"Bullshit." Meera scowled. "He's been ignoring you since lunch yesterday and you seemed just fine the rest of the day. What are you hiding from us, Becks?"

I debated between acting oblivious or just spilling the beans. I was worried they were going to secretly judge me—if not to my face—for almost cheating on the guy I'd been chasing for a year.

The ringing of Cheryl's phone saved me from having to make an immediate choice as she answered, "hey, Mack. Yes, we'll be out in a minute."

Meera and I exchanged a look, shifting our attention to her.

"Mack?" I asked once she hung up.

"Yeah. It was him."

"What Becks mean is, since when do you call him Mack? Where's your lovey-dovey crap like baby, babe, boo or whatever?"

"Mack's his name, isn't it?" She chuckled. "It wouldn't hurt to call him by his actual name once in a while."

Well, she is right. We shrugged at each other.

"But everything's good, right?" I asked.

"Of course. And nice try. We were talking about you, Becks."

"There's nothing to talk about me."

"Maybe she's right," Meera said. "If she had something to share, she would've shared with us. She tells us everything, don't you, Becks?"

"Of course I do." I clutched the backpack straps on my shoulders and followed them out of the bathroom. Mack was waiting outside but he wasn't alone. To my surprise, Sean was standing next to him.

They'd been talking but stopped once they saw us. Sean buried his hands in his pockets and took a step towards me. Had he been waiting for me?

I offered him a hesitant smile. "Hey."

"Rebekah," he greeted, looking between me and my friends. "Can I walk you to class?"

"Sure!"

Meera gave me a subtle thumbs up while I walked up to him.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," I started.

He nodded. "I'm sorry for not taking your calls. I guess I just needed some time to think."

"Think about what?"

"About us."

I bit down on my lip. "What about us?"

"I don't know if it's gonna work out."

"What?" I stopped walking. "We haven't even been together for a week, Sean. And yesterday, those handcuffs, it was a prank. Matt and I had got into a fight and our friends tricked us into that for reconciliation. That's all."

"That's all?" He raised a brow. "That's all it was?"

"Yes."

"So, you're not attracted to Matt in any way?"

I took in a deep breath, then swallowed. "I'm not."

He did not look a 100% convinced as his eyes narrowed for a moment, and I didn't even blame him. I was seconds away from blurting 'Alright, I don't find him so bad' but I stopped when a soft look reached his eyes and he took a step closer. "I don't know, Rebekah. You're an amazing girl. I really want us to work."

I managed a smile, forcing the words out, "Yeah, me too."

A part of me told me I should've just accepted Sean's decision and broken up with him but this other part told me that I hadn't done anything wrong by trying to save our relationship. I did like Sean, right? So, what was the point of leaving him for a guy who had already rejected me?

I just had to find a way to tell him about last night and hope he would still want me.

He still seemed on the fence about us as he exhaled and looked away, eyes running across the hall briefly before they fell back on me, this time resolved. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"I want you to kiss me."

That was unexpected. "H-here?"

"You don't want to?" He raised a brow.

"I do...of course I do. You just caught me off guard." I chuckled nervously, realizing how serious he was about it when his face remained devoid of any humour. "You wanna give everyone something to talk about?"

Suddenly there was a gleam dancing in his eyes as he angled his face down expectantly.

"Okay then." I put my hands around his face, leaned up on my tiptoes and kissed him. His kiss was tender and sweet and I should've been on cloud nine because I was kissing Sean Villin in the middle of the school hallway; it was our first kiss ever but I was freaked. Because when I kissed him, all I could think about was kissing Matt.

And when I shut my eyes, I pictured myself on his bed, under him as his lips moved so magically against mine.

I quickly opened my eyes and pulled back with a shaky breath, tucking my hair behind my ear awkwardly and smiling up at him.

"Wow," he said under his breath and intertwined our fingers, lifting our hands to kiss mine. "I don't wanna get you late for class. Let me walk you to the classroom."

"Okay!"

"Oh hey, Matt! Didn't see you there, man." Sean looked behind me with a wide grin, lifting his other hand to wave.

I froze, suddenly feeling a pair of eyes burning holes in my back. My feet slowly turned and I found Matt walking up to us. His eyes appeared calm but I could see the fire in them as he clenched his jaw. And the way he balled his fists angrily, I knew it was just the calm before a raging storm.

With each step towards us, I found my anxiety rising as I pictured the next few moments. The thought of him picking a fight with Sean right there scared me and I prepared myself to jump between them any moment now.

But he didn't do that.

Instead, he walked right past us without sparing me a single glance and saying to Sean, "of course you didn't."

Anyone could tell he was pissed but I couldn't figure out why. He wouldn't care about me kissing Sean, right? It wasn't like he wanted me or anything.

"See you in class," Sean called.

"Sure," he said over his shoulder and my eyes followed him until he disappeared in the crowd.

"Shall we?" Sean smiled at me.

I nodded.

*****

"Guys, I have to confess something." I sat down on our usual table and looked around nervously to make sure no one was listening.

"I knew it!" Meera slammed her palms on the table and leaned forward with interest. "Spill."

"Last night, I..." I trailed off, allowing myself to consider it one last time.

"You what?" Mack blinked.

"You guys can't judge me, okay?"

"You're our friend, Becks." Cheryl offered me a reassuring smile. "You can tell us anything."

"And you can't tell anyone," I said.

"You're scaring me." Meera's eyes widened. "What did you do? Is there a body we have to hide?"

Rolling my eyes, I filled in a big breath and released it slowly. "Last night, say for some reason, I went over to Matt's house. It was all pretty good. We were having a good time, eating pizza and talking about...stuff. Then we..." I lowered my voice to barely a whisper. "...kind of made out."

"WHAT?"

The three of them shouted in unison with wide eyes.

"But you're—" Mack started.

"With Sean!" Cheryl completed for him.

"I know." I buried my face in my hands.

"Did he kiss you? Did you kiss him back?" she asked.

I looked down at my food tray and started picking on the items with my fork, murmuring, "I kissed him. He kissed me back."

"YOU?" She gasped.

"Yes, me."

Then they went silent and I kept my gaze down at the table, feeling their silent judgement. "You can say it. I'm a horrible person. I know."

"Becks, it's okay," Cheryl said softly. "Have you told Sean? I'm sure he'll forgive you like you forgave him for making out with Ashley."

"That was different. We weren't a thing back then."

"That's not important right now, Cher," Meera finally spoke, facing me squarely. "What's going on, Becks? Why did you do it?"

"I-I don't know."

"Are you sure you even wanna be with Sean right now? Because it's okay to discover feelings for someone else. And if that someone is Matt, that's okay, too."

"He's...well, that's... I just..." I trailed off, my cheeks heating up.

"Do you still want Sean?" she asked. "As much as you've wanted him for the past year?"

"I-I think so."

"Becks, do you regret kissing Matt last night?" Mack asked me.

As the answer came to my mind, I was terrified at how honest I was suddenly being with myself as I said it out loud, meaning it, "not a second of it."

"Oh my God!" Meera clamped her hand over her mouth. "You're in love with your enemy."

I snorted in the most degenerate way possible. "It was in the heat of the moment, that's it. And he's not my enemy anymore."

"You have feelings for Matt?" Cheryl gasped again.

"We saw it coming, Cher. Come on." Meera let out a laugh. "I've never been prouder of myself."

"It's nothing, Mee. Even if I felt something for him, it doesn't matter. He rejected me last night. It's how we...stopped."

"Of course he rejected you," she scoffed. "You're with Sean. If anything, he saved you from your own guilt."

I gaped at her. "I like your theory but I was there. I'm pretty sure that was a I-don't-want-you rejection move."

Or was it?

"Rejection move?" Cheryl snickered. "What do you know about moves? You've never been with anyone before."

"Valid point." Meera nodded.

I sighed. "Guys, he's made it pretty clear that he's not into me."

"Not into you? Have you seen the way he looks at you?" Mack smiled.

I swallowed. "What-what do you mean?"

"Wow you're really blind." Cheryl chuckled, shaking her head.

I ran my fingers through my hair. "I don't know what to do."

"You've got to break up with Sean," Meera declared.

"What? I can't. Matt doesn't even want me."

"Suppose he really doesn't," Mack cut in. "Is that why you wanna stay with Sean? Because he's your only option? Like he's your backup? Becks, that's not fair to him. Come on! You're better than that."

"I-I didn't mean that." I looked down at my hands. "Or I did. You're right. This isn't fair to Sean. What I feel for him shouldn't depend on what Matt feels for me. Right now, I'm not even sure what I feel for Matt to be honest but Sean doesn't deserve this."

"Exactly." Mack patted me on the back.

"I'm really glad I talked to you guys."