Chapter Forty Nine - A Mistake

"Hey, Becks."

Even before I could turn around, a kiss was planted in my hair, and I was greeted by Sean's smiling face. And even before I could say anything, he was walking away from our table, saying, "See you after school."

"Okay."

"You haven't told him yet?" Mack frowned.

"I really wanted to, but I don't have the heart to do it. He already suspects there's something going on."

"Isn't he right, though?" He raised a brow.

"N-not entirely. There's nothing going on." My friends scoffed at the same time, and I deadpanned. "Fine, but I know that sooner or later, I'm gonna have to tell Sean, and it's freaking me out."

Meera ate a spoonful of her yogurt and smacked her lips. "Are you sad?"

"Sad?"

"That it's gonna end between you and Sean? It's inevitable."

I took in a breath. "Not as sad as I would have imagined a year ago."

"So not sad at all," Cheryl deduced.

"Becks," Mack started with the big bro face. "What are you doing? This relationship with Sean is pointless. You feel nothing for him, not anymore. Anyone can tell that. What are you still doing with him?"

I buried my face in my hands in frustration. "I'm figuring out my feelings for him. If I want to make it work with him, that is, if he gives me a chance after knowing the truth."

"No. You're not figuring out your feelings for him. You're trying to figure out if you and Matt could work. And if you think you can, you're gonna break up with Sean. And if not, you'll take him for what he is to you, your backup. And we've talked about this, Becks. That's not fair to him. Hell, you're treating yourself like a joke."

Mack looked so disappointed, and I'd never seen him pull that face for me. Not even when I'd spilled caramel in his car.

"I second that," Meera said.

"I third that," Cheryl said, then added, "Becks, we're not against you here. You know that, right?"

"I do." I picked on my food with my fork and leaned back in my seat. "Do I have to deal with this today?"

"It's your relationship," Mack replied. "You can do it whenever you want. We're not rushing you. We just don't want you to be the bad guy."

"I know. Thanks. I'll talk to him tomorrow because it's Friday. That way, I won't have to see him until Monday, and he'll get two days to cool off."

"I like that plan." Meera agreed.

"You're forgetting about that party tomorrow night," Cheryl pointed out. "You can't tell him when he's drunk."

"I can't?" I blew out air, lips flapping. "It would be so much easier. I would've done my job by telling him, and he probably won't even remember."

Meera smacked me in the head. "No."

"Hey!" I scowled. "I was kidding."

"You better be."

I ran a hand through my hair and looked around. "Meanwhile, I'm gonna need a ride home."

"You got it." Mack nodded.

*****

Avoiding a person without letting them know you were avoiding them was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do.

Rebekah: Sorry I couldn't ride home with you. Meera and I had a situation. Girl stuff.

I sent Sean that text once I was home. Back at school, I'd only told him I wasn't riding back with him. He was busy talking to some guy, so he didn't pay much attention, but later, he'd texted me all good?

Sean: It's cool. See you tomorrow morning.

I laid back on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. I hadn't seen Matt after the morning I'd found him sick. That was two days ago and he hadn't come to school since. I really wanted to check up on him, but he clearly hadn't wanted me around that morning.

So, I'd just stopped Aiden in the school corridor to ask how his brother was doing. He was fine now. He'd be back at school on Friday and I was really looking forward to it. I missed him.

We were going so great. Why did I have to ruin it with that kiss?

And did he really hate me after that? Or was he just too weirded out because he'd never felt anything for me and the kiss had come out of nowhere? Or...was Meera right? Did he only stop us so I wouldn't feel guilty about cheating on Sean?

I shut my eyes and sighed out loud. I'd lost count of the number of times I'd had to consider locking myself in my bedroom in the past two days so I wouldn't go to Matt's house to see him.

One more day, Becks.

*****

"What's this one?" Meera frowned at the black stick in her hand, twisting it to eye it from different angles as if it was an alien object.

"It's a mascara. Now stay still." I took it from her, and as she opened her eyes wide, trying hard not to blink as I applied it on her lashes, I could barely hold back a laugh.

I didn't blame her for not knowing what it was. It was a very old mascara, so the words on the label had faded a long time ago. I needed to buy a new one anyway. I was running out.

"You can relax now."

She exhaled and finally blinked her eyes. "I don't even know how many things you've applied on my face already. How do you even know what does what? And why do you have so many make-up products? Isn't a foundation all we need?"

"No." I chuckled. "I like to watch YouTube make-up tutorials and try it sometimes. Most of the time, I know what I'm doing, Mee. Trust me, you look awesome."

"Oh yes, I do." She batted her lashes in the mirror. "You're doing my makeup for parties from now on, okay?"

I threw her a little salute and turned to Cheryl just as she got done with straightening her hair.

"Are we done?" she asked.

"Yep." I gave myself a final look in the mirror. I was wearing a royal blue dress that hugged my body till my waist and descended into a flowy pattern till just above my knees. I had long straight hair, but for a change, I'd curled it and ran a brush through it, giving it a long, wavy texture.

For footwear, I'd wanted to go for flats until my mom had seen my dress and begged me to wear one of her heels with it. So, I'd complied. It wasn't every day my mom got the time to have a say in my life.

"Idiot!" Cheryl's voice made me break my gaze from the mirror. She was scowling at her phone. "He was waiting outside my house."

"Mack?" Meera asked.

"Who else?" she scoffed. "I can't believe him. I don't think he even listens to me. I told him he was supposed to pick us up from Becks' house."

"It's alright, Cher. He'll be here soon." I gave a pat on her shoulder.

"We're gonna be late."

"It's a party, Cheryl. We're gonna be fine."

Meanwhile, we decided to watch an episode of Gossip Girl. Just as it ended and before the autoplay could start playing the next one, Mack called Cheryl to let her know he was outside.

"Just to be clear, outside Becks' house?" she asked sarcastically. I couldn't hear his reply except a muffled sound, but it made Cheryl smile as she said before hanging up, "Fine. We'll be right outside."

We made our way downstairs and out of my house. Lately, it had become impossible for me to leave my house and not look over at Matt's.

And the moment I did, the wave of anger that I'd been trying to suppress all day finally washed over me. I'd been waiting for him to come back to school for the past two days, and when he finally did, he didn't even see me. He became so busy with football and catching up with others that I barely caught a glance at his face. Clearly, he didn't feel the need to catch up with me.

Do you even listen to yourself anymore, Becks?

Shaking my head, I got into the backseat after Meera. Throughout the ride, Mack and Cheryl had a flirty argument about him not listening to her carefully, and I tuned it out by staring out of the window.

When we reached the party, I was the last person to step out of the car as I anxiously followed my friends inside. Why I was suddenly so nervous about seeing the person I'd literally seen every single day in the past few months was beyond me.

"Of course we'll take that." I heard Mack's chuckle and looked ahead to find my friends grabbing the red cups off the table. While Meera and Cheryl had already started chugging, Mack, being the gentleman he was, extended a cup towards me before taking a sip from his own.

"No thanks."

He almost choked on that sip for a second, and then his brows pinched together. "Come again?"

"I'm good."

"Are you okay?"

I sighed. "We just got here. Give me a minute to acclimatize."

"You're doing it today, aren't you? Telling Sean?" Meera asked.

I hadn't even thought about that. "Maybe."

"Then I can understand. Take your time." She patted my shoulder. "But this will only help you." She held up her cup and threw her head back to swallow its contents.

"Fine! Give me that." I snatched it out of Mack's hand, but before I could even take a sip, an arm snaked around my waist, and I felt somebody leaning into my side.

"Hey, babe," Sean's deep voice rang in my ears over the loud music. When I felt his lips lingering against my ear, I tensed up.

"Hey." I managed a smile at him.

"I'm gonna have to snatch her from you guys," he hollered to my friends and before I knew it, I was being pulled across the dance floor towards the other side of the room and he didn't stop until we were in a little secluded corner. Then he pushed me against the wall without a warning and leaned over me.

"Sean! What's up?" I asked, a little surprised.

"Just wanted to say hi to my girlfriend. You look terrific today." He grinned. I usually found his smile adorable, but with the way his eyes ran across my body, gleaming with something unfamiliar in the dark room, he gave off a somewhat creepy vibe.

"Hi." I smiled, ignoring the sweat beads forming on the back of my neck.

He grabbed my drink from my hand and placed it on the cabinet next to us. Then, without wasting a second, he cupped my face and started to bring his lips over mine. I could smell alcohol on his breath. He was drunk. I quickly threw my head to the side out of instinct, and his lips connected with my cheek.

He did not look happy.

A little scowl fell over his lips. "What's wrong with you now?"

"What?" I blinked. "Sean, w-what are you doing?"

"What does it look like? I'm trying to make out with my girlfriend at a party."

I licked my lips, looking around nervously. I'd kissed him before. It had been out of nowhere and sudden too, just like this one. But this time, something was off about it. Even though it had never felt right, there was still this sense of comfort with him, which wasn't there in that moment. He was smothering me. I needed to get away from him.

"You're drunk."

"So?" His eyes narrowed.

"Just..." I bit down on my lip. "I need some air. Sorry. I'll find you in a while."

"What? Are you serious?" I stepped on the side and started walking aimlessly, just desperate to get away from him. "Rebekah, get back here."

His voice faded in loud music, and I was thankful when I found the stairs—an escape from the extremely crowded room. I rushed upstairs, hoping to find solitude in a bathroom and pushed open the first door I could find. It was a bedroom.

Surprisingly, it hadn't been taken over by a couple to do the nasty yet. The sheets were nicely arranged and it smelled really good. I blamed the little diffuser next to the bed for that. The lights were a dim orange, and the curtains were drawn back, letting the moonlight in. Calm and peaceful. Just what I needed.

But the calm didn't last long.

A moment later, the door slowly creaked open behind me, and I grew tense as I heard footsteps enter the room. When the door was shut with the person still inside, I panicked.

"Sean, please. I told you to leave me—"

I spun around, ready to give him a piece of my mind, but I stopped talking when I discovered it wasn't Sean.

Brown eyes stared back at me, and for a moment, I was thankful. I was engulfed with a sense of safety and warmth, and everything felt right again. But the moment passed, and I reminded myself that I didn't need him to protect me from Sean. Ever.

I slowly took his appearance in. He looked better and completely recovered from the flu. His gray sweater was a loose fit, but it still couldn't conceal his muscular form under it, especially when he'd decided to roll the sleeves up to his elbows. I usually wouldn't go for black denims with that shade of gray, but it looked nice on him. Everything looked nice on him.

"Hate to disappoint you," he said, taking a step towards me while holding my gaze. "...but not him."

I was about to ask 'what' until I remembered I'd just thought he was Sean. Maybe if you didn't get so lost in checking him out, Becks.

"Not disappointed," I muttered.

His eyes searched mine, and I could sense the questions running through his head. Something told me he'd witnessed me and Sean downstairs, and I was about to open my mouth to tell him I was alright, but he beat me to speech with his question.

"How's it going with Sean?"

Oh! I gave a little shrug. "Fine."

"So, he doesn't know."

"D-doesn't know what?" I looked down at the floor, feeling my face becoming hot. Why was he bringing that up? I thought we could get past that without ever talking about it.

It wasn't the kind of silence where he didn't wanna answer me. Instead, it felt like he was only going to speak if I looked at him. That's what the little, intruding step in my direction told me. So, with a deep breath, I lifted my eyes up to his intense ones.

"If my girlfriend made out with another guy, I'd wanna know." His voice was calm yet so commanding, I almost felt like going downstairs and coming clean to Sean right then.

I swallowed audibly, realizing one thing: Direct confrontation was not my thing. At all.

"I-I... we didn't... make out," I breathed out. His eyes darkened as he cocked his head to the side in a challenge, but I kept going, "It was... something that just happened in the moment."

"So, it was a mistake."

"Yes," I answered too quickly to notice his eyes were daring me to agree to that. I tore my gaze away from his and made a beeline for the door.

I almost made it. Almost. I was two feet away from my wooden escape when I felt his hand curl around my wrist, spin me around, and tug me back to himself.

"A mistake, huh?"

His eyes were gleaming with something dangerous, but I couldn't find the fear and uneasiness within me that I'd just felt around Sean minutes ago. Instead, I felt a shot of excitement rush through my veins at his touch.

And I knew I shouldn't be feeling that.

So, I was going to leave. But even before I could make another attempt, Matt made me shift back until I was backed up against the wall, and he'd perfectly cornered me.

"Tell me, Becks." He stepped so impossibly close to me, I didn't think I had any room left to breathe. And I did finally feel all air leave my lungs when he snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me up to his chest. And instead of pushing him away, I let him. "When he puts his hands on you, do you completely fall at his mercy and melt in his arms like you do in mine?"

My eyes widened. I had melted like slime in his arms. I started to straighten up until he distracted me with a squeeze on my waist. "Do you let him touch you like this?" His hand slid down, brushing over the curve of my ass before slipping lower until he'd reached the hem of my dress.

My chest heaved up to suck in a breath in the anticipation of his next move.

"Would you let him do this to you?" he whispered, and in one swift move, grabbed my thigh, lifted it up, and wrapped my leg around himself. Then, he rammed into me, making my hips collide against the wall behind me and I gasped loudly—partly from the surprise and partly from the wild jitters running across my entire body, especially in the pit of my stomach.

And as much as I didn't mean to, a little moan fell past my lips.

"Would you?" He brought his face to mine and nuzzled his nose against my cheek while his teeth teased my jawline with little bites along it.

"Matt," I whimpered, angling my face up to give him access to my neck, but he did not want that.

He grabbed my chin and pulled it down so our lips were mere inches apart. Even better.

I licked my lips once, made up my mind, and wrapped my arms behind his neck. I leaned into him to kiss him, to feel his perfect lips against mine once again but he was intent on not giving me what I wanted as he pulled away and got a hold of my jaw to keep me from kissing him.

Come on! What did he want? Did he want me to beg him? Did he want me to act desperate and give his ego a boost like other girls did? I don't think—

"Matt, please," I groaned. "Kiss me."

His fingers buried in my hair as he tilted my face up. The glimmer in his eyes told me he'd liked me begging him.

"Tell me, Becks." He finally leaned into me, brushing his lips against mine ever so lightly, and I found myself aching for more until he whispered, "Is it really a mistake if you wanna do it again?"

His words slapped me back to reality, and I froze. I finally saw the look of satisfaction in his eyes. He was making a point. All this time, he was making a freaking point! I'd hurt his ego by calling the kiss a mistake, and he'd just proved me wrong.

I couldn't believe I'd let him play me like that.

I let out a shaky breath and dragged my face back as far away from him as the wall behind me allowed. "Get away from me."

He looked down between us, and a smirk curled across his lips. "Is that what you really want? Because your body says otherwise."

Did my traitor leg seriously just tighten around him?

Without wasting a second, I unhooked my leg from around him. I was feeling so angry and flustered. My chest heaved up to suck in another breath as I put my hand on his chest to push him away, but forgot about the pushing part at the sight of his devilishly handsome face mere inches from mine. I wanted to smack that arrogant look off it. And then, probably kiss him senseless.

Becks, you fucking idiot.

His eyes darted down to my hand on his chest. "Look at that, Andrews. Always having trouble keeping your hands to yourself around me."

"Matt, I swear to God, if you don't get away from me—"

"What? You'll kiss me again?"

My eyes widened for a fleeting moment, and then I saw red.

"Bite me," I spat.

"I think we both know what happened the last time you told me that."

I could feel my face becoming hot with anger and embarrassment. I'd assumed that I'd have to really fight him to get him off me but when he shifted back the moment I started to apply force with my hand, I realized I hadn't really tried at all.

Determined, I walked past him and skedaddled out of the room and didn't stop until I'd found Mack and Cheryl on the dance floor. I was feeling too disoriented to ask about Meera and just assumed she was somewhere with Chad.

"Hey, Becks! Where have you been?" Cheryl hollered over the loud music.

"I'm going home," I announced.

They stopped dancing and exchanged a confused glance.

"What? Did you just say you're going home?" Mack frowned, taking a step in my direction to hear me properly over the music.

"Yes."

"What happened?"

"Nothing. I'm just not in the party mood anymore."

"What happened with Sean?" He frowned.

I sighed. "Mack, I really don't wanna talk about it right now."

"That's okay." He nodded. "I'll drop you."

"No, absolutely not. You guys have fun. I can get myself a cab. I just wanted to let you guys know before leaving."

"Becks, it's fine," Cheryl assured me. "It'll barely take him thirty minutes to drop you and come back."

"Trust me, Cher. I'll be fine. It's not even that late and I'm completely sober. I can get myself home."

"But—"

"I've got her," a deep voice cut her off and, in an instant, I felt his presence right behind me. Obviously, he'd have to be close enough for us to hear him so clearly in the loud room. So close that I could feel his chest brushing my arm.

"Are you sure?" Mack looked between us suspiciously.

"Of course. I was just leaving and she's my neighbour, isn't she? I can give her a ride."

I scoffed to myself. Right, he was leaving in the middle of the party. Sure.

"I'm not going anywhere with him." I pointed back at him with my thumb and Mack and Cher's eyes lit up with realization at the same time as they exchanged another look and subtly nodded at each other.

I scowled, holding the urge to demand what they'd discovered all of a sudden but I was a little desperate to get away from a particular someone so I started marching right out of the house, saying over my shoulder to my friends, "Bye, guys."

Annoyingly enough, he was right at my heels as I climbed down the porch steps while booking myself a cab.

"Save yourself the effort. I'm not going with you."

"Why not?"

I spun around with a ridiculous scoff. "Why not? Are you serious?"

The fake little oblivious shrug he did annoyed me to the point where I could just grab his neck and squeeze really hard. "I don't see why you'd be mad. It's not like I did something you didn't want me to do."

My jaw dropped. "I have a boyfriend."

"Well, Becks..." He clicked his tongue while stepping closer and leaned down to whisper, "you didn't seem to care about that when you were begging me to kiss you."

I swallowed. Where's the lie?

"Matt, please just leave me alone, okay? I'm too tired of all this and I don't have the energy to deal with any of this especially right now when the music in there was so loud and I didn't get to have a single drink to tune it out and when there's so many things in my head, it's probably going to burst and lastly, when my heels are killing me and my feet are acting like they have two more minutes of run-time in them."

I exhaled loudly after my little rant, waiting for him to just go away but who was I kidding?

"So, why don't you just..." He fished out his car keys, raised them up and clicked on the unlock button. His matte black car which was parked across the street right behind him, beeped and flashed lights. "...get into the car and let me take you home? It's hardly a fifteen minute drive. Unless..."

I raised a furious brow, daring him to test me again.

"...you can't even go fifteen minutes alone with me without letting the urge to kiss me take over."

"Alright. That is enough!" I snapped, walking right past him to cross the street.

Right before I snatched the passenger door open, I took a second to check out his car. It looked as good as new. He'd gotten it fixed.

I got in and shut the door with a lot more force than required. I could've sworn Matt had cringed for a second out there. At least that was something he had in common with the other guys. He probably loved his car more than anything and I could bet he had some lame ass nickname for it too. Something like muffin, or sugar, or baby. I internally laughed, picturing him using one of those.

But that laugh morphed into confusion when he pulled the passenger door open and kneeled next to me.

"What are you—" I gasped when he grabbed my feet and pulled them towards him. For a second, I thought he was kicking me out for harmlessly messing with his car but I watched with an open mouth when his fingers started undoing my heels.

Once done, he set them in the little space in front of the passenger seat and then, his fingers started rubbing small circles near my ankle. I felt a shiver run down my spine when he lifted one foot and ran his thumb across the fading scar from the glass wound at the carnival.

I struggled to put together words at the sight of him like that.

"This is not you," I finally muttered. "Not the real you."

Brown eyes lifted up and locked with mine. They looked so honest and clear that for a moment, I wondered if this was the real him and he'd been hiding all along. And then, I watched as a little smile started playing at the corners of his lips.

"Oh, yes. This is me putting up an act to seduce you."

My mouth went dry. "Matt, stop it."

A deep chuckle reverberated from his throat as he got up. The moment his hands left my legs, I quickly pulled them into the car and shut the door before he could.

Throughout the ride, I kept my head turned towards the window. The radio was playing some random song, and we both were quiet. While I was squirming in my seat every few minutes, I could tell he was enjoying every second of the ride.

When we finally made it home, I cut a glance at him just because I had to turn his way to unbuckle my seatbelt. And just as I expected, his eyes were on my face, holding a mischievous glint.

I stopped breathing when he leaned into me, forcing me to look up at him.

"Do I get a thanks for driving you home?"

His eyes did a clever sweep of my lips before lifting back to mine. I inhaled, biting down at my lip to somehow stop myself from considering it. But it was impossible.

Lately, I'd barely been able to get a grip on my nasty thoughts around him and now that he was not only aware of them but also requiting them, hell, encouraging them, I didn't know how long it was before I was going to snap.

"You shouldn't have done that." I pointed to my heels. "I don't have the courage to wear them again, and I hate being barefoot anywhere except inside the house."

"I could always carry you. Wouldn't be the first time."

As his hand started reaching for his door, I quickly pushed open mine and stepped out barefoot, my heels in one hand and my phone in the other.

After closing the door, I leaned over to the window. "All good."

His hand went back to the wheel as he smirked, eyes lingering on my face in a way that made me weak in the knees. "I'm still holding out for that thanks."

My tongue involuntarily darted out to lick my lips. It didn't matter how much I pretended he was annoying me and I didn't want it, I knew he saw right through me.

I forced myself to spin around and started walking up my driveway. But this feeling of leaving something incomplete creeped up on me, and I found myself stopping in my tracks. I hadn't heard his car move. I knew he was still watching me.

Exhaling, I spun around again and marched back to his car.

"You know what? You can't keep shaming me for kissing you when you kissed me back."

His brows pulled together. "Why wouldn't I?"

I had this idea in my head that after getting out of his car, it had become a safe barrier between us. So, when he stepped out of it, it almost felt like he was stepping out of his cage. The cage outside which lay my safe zone. RIP to that.

He rounded his car to face me squarely, up close. "Why wouldn't I shame you for kissing me when you're finally with this guy you've been pining after for months?"

"I..." I had nothing to say.

In an instant, his mask dropped, and his eyes became sharp and soft at the same time, a deadly combo. "And why wouldn't I kiss you back when it's all I've been able to think about for weeks now?"

I went still.

"What?" I whispered. So, he did like me back?

"You need to make up your mind, Becks."

Tingles shot through my spine because of the way he'd said that. With resolve. With a promise of us. And now I knew that all I needed to do was break up with Sean to have Matt in my life.

But how was that fair to Sean? How could I do this to him? First, I'd cheated on him, and then I was going to break up with him without giving him a chance. But it had to be done. Not doing it was even more wrong.

Maybe Mack was right. I had been treating Sean like backup. Because now, when I knew what Matt felt, I couldn't wait to break it off with him. As bitchy as that sounded of me.

I took in a deep breath. "Thanks for the ride home."

He took a long look at my face, then he took a step back, then another and another before a smile tugged at his lips.

"That wasn't so hard, now, was it?"