Chapter Sixty Six - Sad Song

My eyes opened to meet the direct sunlight coming in through the window. Groaning, I brought my palm over my face to block it.

The mattress moved next to me, and my eyes flew open to find Matt stepping out of bed and pulling the curtains to block the light.

It took me a moment to register that I was in his room before the events of last night rushed back, knocking me wide awake.

I hadn't even been awake for a whole minute and I already felt like shit.

"Thank you," I muttered to Matt.

He threw me half a smile over his shoulder. His hair was a mess, and I couldn't help but notice he needed a haircut. He'd never had his hair grown long enough to have it completely sweep across his forehead. But he looked really hot like that so I wasn't complaining.

I lazily sat up on his bed and took a quick look at my phone. No new missed calls or messages.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, catching my attention. Once again, I found myself taking in his appearance. He had bags under his eyes and yet looked completely awake and alert. Was there a chance he'd barely gotten any sleep last night?

"Much better," I answered, then sighed. "I think I should go home now."

"But?"

I swallowed. His brows were raised. He knew there was a but.

"But I don't want to."

"Then don't. You can stay here for as long as you want to."

I smiled. "Thanks, Matt. But I have to go."

I stepped out of bed and put my feet in the pair of slippers he'd placed there for me. They were too large for my feet, so I decided to go back barefoot.

"Call me if you need anything," he ordered, a little v sitting between his brows. I hadn't realized how much my problems affected him until then.

"I will," I reassured him and left.

Two minutes later, I stood on my porch, debating if I should go in or back to Matt's house. The latter was very tempting, but I knew I had to go with the former.

I finally pushed the door open and walked inside. The house was dead silent. No sign of my mother, or my father, or Blake.

I took in a deep breath and settled down on the living room couch, eyeing the wrapped boxes on the table, not moved an inch since last night. Someone must have put the cake in the refrigerator if my mother hadn't already thrown it in the trash in a fit of anger.

The sound of footsteps from the direction of the stairs startled me and eased me at the same time. I was dying to come across someone in the house. It was Blake. The moment he walked into the room and saw me, a look of surprise fell on his face. "When did you come back?"

"Just a minute ago." I looked around nervously before asking, "Where's mom and dad?"

"They're upstairs."

"Did they...did they have a fight because of me?"

He deflected from that question and asked me if he could get me something to eat.

"No, I'm good," I replied, getting up for a glass of water. I made it to the kitchen and frowned at the sight of it. Everything was a mess in there like nobody had taken care of it after dinner last night. The dishes were undone, the counter was dirty, and stuff that usually sat in the pantry was lying around carelessly.

I walked back into the living room. "Where's Mrs. Brooke?"

Blake did not answer me, and I slowly came to realization.

"Blake, where's Mrs. Brooke?" I asked again in a low voice.

"Mom fired her." He exhaled slowly.

"What?" I gasped, bringing a hand to my mouth as tears started pooling in my eyes. "How could she do this?"

My feet took me to the dining table of their own volition, and I dropped into one of the chairs, wiping away the trails of unruly tears that had just streamed down my face.

"She got fired because of me. She must hate me." I sniffled. "I never should've brought her up in that argument. This is all my fault."

"No, it's not." Blake placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "And she knows that. She does not blame you. You know what she said to me before leaving?"

I stared up at him. His eyes held pity for me.

"She only asked me to take care of you."

My lip quivered as silent tears threatened to break into a sob at the thought of Mrs. Brooke having to leave. How could mom do that to her? Hell, how was I supposed to go on without her? I'd been angry at my mom last night, but I'd meant what I'd said about Mrs. Brooke being more of a mother to me than my mom had ever been.

"I have to see her." I wiped my tears away and got up with resolve.

"You will do no such thing."

Something shifted in the air. A darkness enveloped me at the voice of my mother. She was standing at the foot of the stairs, looking sharp and neat as ever in her blouse and pencil skirt. She had her work bag draped over her arm and I assumed she was on her way out for work. Of course, not a hint of remorse for last night on her face.

"How could you do that?" I whispered, not trusting my voice.

"I made a mistake, and I fixed it. I never should've let you get so attached to her. You need to remember that I am your mother, not her."

"You've never been. And after what you did, you'll never be," I snapped at her and sprinted up to my room. Without wasting any time, I took a shower, got dressed, and left for Meera's house in a cab I'd booked after showering. I'd decided to text her on the way to ask if I could come over. Thankfully, I could. I don't know where I would've gone if she'd said she wasn't available. I'd hate to bother Matt again.

I also wanted to call Mrs. Brooke, but I didn't think I was prepared to talk to her yet. She didn't blame me, but I still blamed myself.

Meera knew something was wrong with me the moment she answered the door, so I told her everything that had happened since last night. She was furious and sad about Mrs. Brooke, but passed no mean comment about my mother.

By evening, we'd watched two movies to make me better, and I felt somewhat prepared to go back home. She offered to drive me back, and even though I insisted I could book a cab, she threw me into her passenger seat and started driving towards my house. I couldn't be more thankful for her company as long as I could have it. I was already dreading going back to the house. It wasn't going to be the same without Mrs. Brooke.

The moment I opened the front door, the sight of a suitcase in the living room made a spark of hope ignite inside me over the possibility that my parents had brought her back until I saw Blake step downstairs with a duffel bag over his shoulder, all dressed up.

"What's this?"

"I'm leaving for college."

"But your college doesn't start until another week or so. That's what Nick told me."

"Right." He nodded, looking away. "But I think it's best if I leave."

"What? Why?"

"I've caused you enough problems. Ever since I've come here, your life has been nothing but a mess."

"What? You can't blame yourself for Mom's actions. Blake, please don't leave me right now. I really need you."

"It's not me you need anymore, Becks." His gaze fell over the window, across the street to Matt's house. "I don't even know what goes on in your life anymore."

That rendered me silent. I watched as he loaded the suitcase in his car, and I stepped out on the porch helplessly.

"If you leave, mom's gonna blame me for it," I muttered.

He threw me a look over his shoulder. "I've left them a message. I'll talk to her later. Don't worry about it. And there's food in the fridge. Eat something."

With that, he got in his car and drove away.

I shut the front door and just leaned my back against it, staring into the empty house. Taking in a deep breath, I made my way up to my room.

*****

I had no idea where I got the strength from.

The strength to show up for the music event. It was at another school, and if Meera hadn't talked me into it, I'd probably be cooped up in her room, eating ice cream.

Ever since Mrs. Brooke had left four days ago, I'd barely stayed at my house. I also hadn't seen Matt since the morning I'd woken up at his house. Despite being really busy practicing for his music event, he'd taken the time to text me asking to see me, but I'd brushed him off. The same evening when I'd come back home, I'd found him waiting in his driveway, keeping an eye on my house for my return. But thankfully, he'd received a call and got distracted. The moment he'd turned around to stroll over to his backyard, I'd dashed inside my house and shut the front door.

He wouldn't have noticed, or I would've definitely received a text later demanding an explanation.

Something hadn't been feeling right, and I'd needed some time to figure things out.

And now, at the music event, I felt like I'd much rather be taking the easy way out again and eating ice cream at Meera's house.

I looked around at the crowded room, suddenly feeling a noose of anxiety tightening around my neck, threatening to cut off my air supply.

"I probably shouldn't be here," I muttered, taking a step back.

I'd taken just two steps when I bumped into someone. A feeling of familiarity crept in me as I inhaled his cologne before slowly turning around.

Deep brown eyes stared into mine intensely, accusing me.

"Hey, stranger."

"Hey," I breathed out.

Since I'd shifted back a step in surprise, he stepped forward to close that little distance between us as he scrutinized my face.

"Where have you been?"

"Right across the street."

His eyes narrowed pensively.

"What is going on? Are you ok—"

"Matt! We gotta go!" Parker called, and both of us turned at the same time to find him motioning Matt towards the stage. Their performance was about to begin.

His eyes swept between me and the stage reluctantly as a scowl took over his lips.

"Go," I said.

"I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere." He took a step back without taking his eyes off me like I was going to disappear if he did. Then, his feet stopped for just a fleeting second, and he said, "I mean it."

I nodded. "Good luck."

That must've reassured him as he spun around and marched up to the stage where the instruments were already set up. There were two mics in the center, and while Matt took one of them, Rebecca took the other one with a little smirk plastered on her lips. She'd somehow spotted me in the crowd and was clearly gloating as she gripped the mic with a devilish look sitting in her eyes.

But I was beyond caring about her childish antics and victories now. I'd been feeling so numb these past few days, I didn't think she could do anything to get a reaction out of me. I hadn't gone a day without Mrs. Brooke and having her cut out of my life so abruptly felt like I'd lost a part of myself, too.

I'd cried for a whole day after Blake had left for college, and after that, I'd just felt nothing. I didn't care if my mom was expecting an apology over dinner every night, or my dad was cutting me worried glances. Nothing could make me feel anymore.

Well, that was until the background music started playing. And I felt my heart kick back to life like an old engine sputtering after sitting cold for months.

I immediately recognized the tune. I'd played the song in Matt's car once, and he'd dismissed it back then, saying it was too depressing.

My eyes found his on the stage, and they were set on mine as he started singing.

"You and I we're like fireworks and symphonies exploding in the sky..."

I placed a hand over my heart, feeling every word falling out of his mouth. It hurt to know that we were at the point where he was singing that song for me, meaning it.

"Without you, I'm just a sad song..."

A tear rolled down my cheek, and Meera wrapped an arm around me. I quickly wiped it off, not wanting Matt to see it, but it was impossible because he never once took his eyes off me. And when a little frown formed on his lips, I knew I'd done the very thing I'd hoped I wouldn't do today—distract him from his performance.

He didn't rush the performance, but I could feel his need to jump off the stage and demand what was wrong with me radiating off his body language. The way he was already stepping away from the mic while nearing the last verse like he couldn't wait for the background to take over so he could hop off the stage.

So, I plastered a believable smile on my face and gave him a little nod. He visibly relaxed just enough to not abandon the performance.

But once it ended, he made a beeline for me.

I managed another smile. "You were amazing."

"Thanks." He gently grabbed my arm, pulling me in a random direction. "Let's get out of here."

"But the results."

"I don't care."

He guided me across the packed room, and I finally breathed easy once we stepped out into the parking lot in the fresh air. The sky was dark, and the air had a chill in it, signalling an oncoming storm.

"What is going on?" he demanded right away.

I opened my mouth, ready to spill a random lie or excuse, but realized he deserved better. Besides, I couldn't lie to him even if I wanted to. He knew me better than myself at this point.

I exhaled, biting down on my lip as I lifted a hand to his cheek and caressed it. The concern in his eyes multiplied.

"Becks, what—"

"Matt," I cut him off, taking a step towards him. "Kiss me."

His eyes desperately searched mine for something he wasn't going to find until I allowed it.

"Becks," he started again softly.

"Please."

He gripped my waist and tugged me into his chest just as his other hand curled around the nape of my neck, but he didn't kiss me right away. He just stared. And the way he stared into my eyes, it almost felt like he was taking a peek into my soul.

He was undoing me slowly and without showing any mercy, and he didn't even have to move an inch or blink. I wasn't going to last long like that, so I took the leap. I leaned up on my tiptoes and kissed him, half expecting him to push me away, but he did not.

Instead, he pinned me to himself and held me so tight like he was afraid I was going to slip away, like he was never going to let me go. He kissed me like it was the last time. For a moment, it felt like he was going to consume me whole, so I'd have no choice but to stay with him.

But I couldn't breathe. I had to let him go.

I broke the kiss and inhaled for air with short gasps. He pressed his forehead against mine, and it was almost like time had stopped for us. I couldn't feel anything around me anymore but him. Soon, everything would change. But in that moment, we were there, and I wanted to remember every little detail to treasure it as a vivid memory for as long as I could.

When he pulled away and stared into my eyes again, there was something in them I couldn't read.

"Why did that feel like a..." he trailed off, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth like he couldn't bring himself to say the word. Once again, his eyes searched mine desperately, and this time, I allowed him to see it.

He inhaled sharply.

I gave a little nod.

A dangerous look flashed in his eyes, and with a lot more resolve than I could imagine one could muster in the little time he had to process it, he gripped my chin and angled my face up, looking me square in the eyes.

"Dammit, Becks! Why the hell did that feel like a goodbye?"

"Matt..." I swallowed, blinking back my tears. "...you and I... we can't..."

"Can't what?"

"We can't be together."

He stared at me in silence for a few seconds, and then his face twisted into a mixture of anger and profound hurt as he asked in a dangerously low voice, "What?"

"I-I gave it a lot of thought. We won't work, Matt. It's not gonna work out."

"Rebekah, what—" He was so taken aback that despite his anger and the look of betrayal in his eyes, he let out a low chuckle of disbelief. "We are working. And it's great. Are you...are you breaking up with me?"

I nodded slowly.

I knew Matt had a temper and even though I'd never want to compare him with Sean, I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd thrown a fit of anger and given a similar reaction over an unexpected break up. But all he did was cup my cheeks in his palms, his gentle touch a striking contrast to the storm brewing in his eyes.

"Why?" he all but whispered. "What is wrong with you?"

"My brother is never gonna approve of us. This is pointless."

"Pointless?" he spat, his eyes turning furious. "I don't care if your brother approves of us or not. I don't give a damn, Rebekah. You know that."

"But I do." I broke out of his hold, feeling the tears burning my eyes.

He took in a deep breath, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

"No, you listen to me. Here's what you're gonna do." He took a step forward. "You're gonna go home, sleep off whatever this is, then you're gonna come back to me tomorrow and you're going to fucking apologize for this. You get me?"

I stayed silent.

"Rebekah, do you understand?" he snapped.

Without responding, I took a step back.

"You won't come back," he breathed out in defeat.

"You don't understand, okay?" I snapped, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. "Everything's changed. I have no one anymore."

"You have me."

"You're leaving, too," I spat. "Everyone's leaving me. And if I have a chance to save my relationship with at least one person who means a lot to me, I will. I can't lose my brother, Matt."

I could've been mistaken but his eyes had turned glassy for a flash before he blinked away whatever it was.

"But you can lose me?"

I swallowed, feeling my heart slowly breaking with this. I was a horrible person. I was broken but I hadn't expected to break him with me. But what else could I have possibly expected? That he would be okay with it and wave me goodbye with a 'nice knowing you'?

The almost tears in his eyes hadn't hurt me as much as the sad little smile of betrayal that formed on his lips.

"You said you were never gonna make that choice between me and him. That we're both equally important to you. And now you're choosing him."

I shut my eyes tightly, letting a few tears roll down my cheeks. Then, I nodded.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, taking another step back.

And this time, he did not stop me from leaving.